Vera Novelle

I find that ages five to ten were the most crucial years of my life. That was when I developed loneliness, I still carry with me.  I longed for love, care, and security. My parents were wealthy—yes, at least in material things. But compared to something like a cellphone, their wealth felt like just an accessory. The most important part of a family is love—just love. I believe that when love is real, respect, compassion, and understanding naturally follow. But sometimes, we forget the one thing that builds these values: communication. I believe that communication is the bridge to healthy relationships. By communication, I mean one person speaks, and the other listens—without screaming, without cursing, without cutting the speaker off, being rational and understanding with one another,  having the capability to accept right and wrong.  That, I think, was the biggest problem in my family. Communication always meant fighting. The line between discussion and argument was so th...

I have been thinking about what led me to start drinking excessively. Now that I’m an adult, with too many damaged organs that I actually need, I ask myself: Why the hell did I do that? I wrecked myself—for what?” I started drinking when I was twelve. At the time, I did not understand what made it appealing to me.  My mom once told me I have a deep level of perception.   I never understood what she meant when I asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “You will know when you grow up”.   That conversation left a dark hole in me because, even now, I still don’t know what she truly meant. Looking back, I can still remember my very first heartbreak as a child. I must have been around seven or eight. We lived in a big rental house—large enough to fit our family of eight siblings, two aunts, and in-house housekeepers. I knew I had siblings, but I could not figure out who was who. And honestly? I never really tried. Two of my older siblings were already married, so to me, who...

"You can entertain the thought, but don't let it linger." That’s what I learned from my sister. But at twelve years old, it was nearly impossible not to let the thoughts linger. Maybe it was because I was young, believing that the world—though vast—could be conquered by an energetic mind like mine. I thought I had all the time to scoop up everything exciting in life and dump it into my brain. I truly believed I could do it. Phew, I was wrong. Now, looking back, I realize how my childish arrogance cost me so many opportunities. How could I have been so foolish to think my "used-to-be present" would last forever? My mind shut down from reality—it lingered and fantasized. I lost sight of what was real. I got stuck and became a stuck-up. I tried to mask my loneliness with the wrong distractions, consumed by petty things—things that never truly mattered as I grew older. I built a senseless and shallow personality , one that left me with guilt and countless regrets....

"Loneliness is something we all feel at some point, but for me, it started earlier than I expected. This blog is my way of letting it all out. Maybe someone out there will relate. Maybe writing it down will help me make sense of it. Either way, here it goes…" This is going to be my first blog, and I would say it’s mostly like a journal. I want to write to make my words work for me instead of living with all these thoughts that keep me from moving forward. Maybe if I write them down, they’ll stop driving me crazy. Most of what I write here will be confessions—or maybe even embarrassing moments—but hey, who hasn’t had those moments? One would be a hypocrite to say they have none. I was twelve when I first started feeling alone. I began to see my surroundings as chaotic—but that was just me being a child. I was surrounded by people who were busy making money or at least busy taking care of their own lives. I grew up in a well-off family, and my parents were well-connected—if you...